Hmmmm. Seems some time has passed since my last post. If you're wondering why that is, it's because there's NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT MY LIFE. This is a critical problem. I like looking at the humorous side of raising four children - and living with five (ahem) - but there just hasn't been much to laugh about since August.
No tragedies, no traumas... just not funny.
Needless to say, I'm back in the dark place. Not that my whole life is dark. I'm back to teaching two days a week and I love being in the classroom. Something about it just feeds my soul. Grading papers? Dealing with slap-crazy, totally insane, where's-my-padded-room parents? Not so much. But I am totally and utterly passionate about what I get to do in that classroom.
My marriage? Pretty good, considering we're in the midst of football season. I haven't seen much of the hubby since my last post, but I haven't had to set myself on fire to get his attention yet either. Auburn is undefeated so I'd say we're doing pretty good and "War Eagle," thank you very much.
The house? I've got a ton of unfinished summer projects in the works, but it's still standing, it's relatively clean, and Christmas decor covers a multitude of sins. I can't complain.
Family? Friends? Well, there's never enough time in the day to be the daughter, sister, or friend I want to be, but I've got some pretty amazing people in my life who let me pick up in the relationship wherever we've left off - even if it's months between conversations.
Children?
Hmmm. The children.
The children. Sweet Lord, how do I even begin to address the children?
See? I got nothin'. This is where it's just DARK.
I am really struggling in the Mommy-role these days. I'm probably the only mom in the carpool line who cried when the teacher wished me a "Happy Thanksgiving Break!" And dear heavens, Christmas is right around the corner. No school for them. No school for me. I told my dad the other day that if I go missing over the holidays not to come looking for me. I don't want to be found.
The problem - and you've probably guessed it from the title of this post - is whining. My children are extraordinarily whiny. And there are four of them. I wake up most mornings to my nearly five-year old twins laying on the floor by my bed, rolling around, whining "Huuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyyy. Huuuuuuuuuuuuuungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy." Once breakfast is over, their mantra increases in volume until, by the end of the day it's "HUUUUUUUUUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! HUUUUUUUUUUUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
And before you contact the Department of Child and Family Services, yes, I feed my children - multiple times a day.
Of course Ella, who is now six, is the master whiner. She's a bit more theatrical than her sisters, so her whining usually involves a series of acts.
"Can I have a snack, Mommy?"
"Not right now, Ella. We're about to eat dinner."
"Yes! I want a snack RIGHT NOW! (foot stomp) You NEVER let us eat! (more foot stomping) It's so NOT FAIR! (now she's throwing herself on the floor) I'M STARVING!!!! (she throws in an "arrghh" of frustration to punctuate her point)"
And then, unfortunately, there's the three-year old boy - who's going to whine simply by virtue of the fact that he's three. And he has mentors.
I've got to tell you that I really feel like I've tried everything to shut down the whining. First of all - and most importantly - I've never, ever given in to the demands of whining children. Which makes me wonder, "Why do they keep whining?!?!" They get time-outs, vinegar water, toys taken away, TV privileges revoked... and still they whine.
I'm in a really dark place. I'm one discouraged mommy. I knew that motherhood would be extremely difficult when I started - I wasn't delusional going in. But I have some really strong-willed children - you can ask any one of my friends, family-members, or babysitters. And I've lost my humor somewhere along the way, because I can't find pleasure in motherhood. It's work, and that work just gets more and more intense with every passing stage.
Can you give me some hope? Does someone out there in blogland have some sage or brilliant advice to offer me? Please - tell me how to stop the whining before I'm numbing myself with my own good wine!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
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9 comments:
Well, I would offer hope if you had not been talking about my own adventures in Mommyland. Whining, sassiness, spaztic melt downs over the placement of an unnecessary band aid, un-decorating the completely decorated Christmas tree,kicking all my flowers outside in outrage for needing to go inside due to running sister over with trike...you name it...we are there. And I am weary. Beat down. And struggling to understand why enjoying being a mom does not come easily to me. It has been so hard for me too and I have felt like a failure and even entertained taking her to the doctor so they can give me a diagnosis for their mad hysteria. Just know if I could encourage you with wisdom I would. Instead, I am trying to encourage you that you are not alone on this island. Praying for you right now...and me too.
Well let me give you my advice for stopping that whining cycle....................................................sorry, I got nothin'!!!! All I can tell you is that you are most definitely not alone, which you know because you know my children! : ) I think our children secretly go to the same school of "How to Drive Your Mother Slap Out of Her Otherwise Sane Mind By the Time She is 40", and I think they are getting all A's! Molly has decided that in addition to whining, she will disagree with and/or correct every single thing I say. Hang in there and just be encouraged that it's not you, and it's not just you, and you really are doing a great job.
I'm thinking it's going to be Auburn against Oregon for the BCS championship. That should cheer you up. :) Happy Tyler = Happy Kari.
As for whining... I'm new at the game, but threats seem to work pretty well with Joshua. I think each child is different - and each will need to be punished according to their will and personality. Not much help. Drink more wine. It makes the headache feel better at the end of the day. :)
Love you, Kari.
This year I've read the Love and Logic parenting book by Nav Press and really enjoyed their point of view. It had a lot of concrete solutions. I tell my kids regularly, I'm sorry, I can't listen to that tone of voice (but then, there's just two of them:)). One of their suggestions is the "energy drain." You can use it for anything, but the idea is that their whining/fighting/noise/whatever is draining Mommy's energy, and how are they going to put it back? I say it in a very sad voice, and give them suggestions if they need them (play quietly in your room, do some of my chores, be kind etc.). Anyway, I know it sounds crazy but it does work with my two. And I would definitely recommend the book (my personal favorite line is "feel free to pick up any toys you want to keep" and then any not put away go away. Saves me a lot of time picking up!).
Praying for you Kari. I'm sure four kiddos is overwhelming a lot of the time!
--holly
Hmmmm.....Hmmmmm.....er, uh,......hmmmmm.....If I were you, I'd....er, uh....hmmmm....let me get back with you. LMNOP (p.s. my word verification is "whinab"....that's close to whine....what??!!!!)
Perhaps you'll just be consoled by the fact that you've encouraged another mommy of 5 that other days look like mine. Misery loves company. Glad to know there are other well-intending-mommies in the trenches too!
Love your blog.
and from where I sit....your children are little angels!:-)
Your kids somehow missed out of the "people pleaser" gene that is so prevalent in our family! I have no advice...mainly because our one perfect four-legged fuzzy daughter has the one goal in life to make us happy. Praying whatever "tokens" we have take after the dog. :) And praying for your sanity! Enjoy your weekend!!!!
Even when you aren't trying to be funny and have nothing "funny" to write about, you still make me smile with every word you write.
I'm jumping on the "can't help you...but I'm there with ya" bandwagon most days. Andrew whines about the dumbest things and Miss M's cutting 4 teeth at the same time, sometimes she and I just sit down and whine together... poor baby.
Just watched, you're going to have those amazing, selfless, funny, generous elementary, middle, high school kids because they're just getting all of this out of their systems now. And you'll be spending your days having creative fun and amazing adventures and deep conversations with them and thanking God for the times when it was tough so you can appreciate those times later.
Not that I know anything... except that I'll pray JUST THAT for you, my friend!
The End.
I am not a blogger, nor do I ever read blogs. But I came to the internet desperately dearching for help with my whining 4 year old. I am so over it, and I only have one child! Anyhow, I thoroughly enjoyed your post because I am also glad to know that I am not alone. After I read your post, I found this article: http://www.parenting.com/article/how-to-silence-a-whiny-child?page=0,0
I think it has some great tips in it, and I hope you find it helpful, too. Good luck!
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