Happy 4th of July!

Last year, our neighborhood organized its first - and what appears this year to be its last - 4th of July parade. The idea was to get the neighborhood kids together to decorate their bikes and "parade" up to the swim and tennis clubhouse for a pool party and cookout. Sounds like a fun, all-American time, right?

Of course, what seemed like a great idea at the time quickly turned into an all-American family disaster. For starters, my compulsive perfectionism kicked in and I decided that our family was going to have the best-looking bikes in the parade. Of course, it kicked in mere hours before the parade was supposed to start, and it didn't receive any kind of financial blessing from my wallet. I ended up driving myself and four small children to the local Party City, where I tormented us all by looking at - but not buying - any of the really cool patriotic stuff. No, in the end my wallet forced me to settle for some red, white, and blue crepe paper, a bag of balloons, a package of cardboard stars, and three paper tiaras. Meh. It also cost me a year's worth of sanity to successfully drag four children in and out of a store that stocks more candy than Willy Wonka's factory.

By the time we got home, I was fried, and the parade was less than an hour away. The kids wanted to help decorate their bikes, but lost interest when they realized there was no painting involved. While they headed into the air-conditioned house in search of snacks, my parents and I - armed with a roll of Scotch tape - attempted to decorate 3 bikes and a wagon in 95+ degree heat. Apparently, Scotch tape loses it's adhesive qualities upwards of 94 degrees, so we were pretty much hosed. Plus, Ty wandered into the garage at one point and completely freaked out at the idea of having balloons attached to his wagon. In the end, he agreed to 3 small cardboard stars dangling off the back of his ride - and nothing else.

Meanwhile, the parade participants were congregating at the base of our driveway. Wagons draped in patriotic bunting, motorized riding toys strung with red, white and blue lights, and bikes so patriotic you couldn't find the Made in China sticker on them lined the street. As my girls rode down to take their places in the pack, Ty ripped off one of his stars, the last of Ella's balloons popped, and Emily's crepe paper unwound from her handle bars. I think a little of my compulsive perfectionism just up and died right then.

But the piece de resistance was Evie, who was having a tough time even pedaling her bike. Sweat was pouring down her red, overheated face as she strained to get her bike up the hill.

"Why are we doing this?"

"It's supposed to be fun, Evie."

"But WHY ARE WE DOING THIS?!?"

I doubt Evie would've made it to the next mailbox, except that just then she spotted a neighbor tossing lolly pops into the crowd.

"Are they throwing candy???"

I have to say, I've never seen Evie ride a bike so fast in her life - she was off like a shot, with my mom and me jogging just to keep up with her. By the time the parade reached the pool, she and Emily had two suckers in their mouths and three in each hand. Ty, too, had quite a stockpile going in his pitifully unpatriotic wagon. Only Ella was unhappy. Apparently, she missed out on a cupcake somewhere along the parade route.

The adults all opted at this point to skip the pool party and cookout and head home to enjoy a just-family gathering at the house. The Lolly Pop Brigade was gone, so it took a whole lot longer to get the kids home from the pool than it took them to get there, but we eventually made it home, where we grilled some burgers and dogs, and then played one of the great, all-American outdoor games - Duck, Duck, Goose.

The kids have been asking me what we're doing for this year's 4th of July festivities. Evie is particularly interested in whether or not we'll be riding our bikes while "people throw candy at us." The answer is, "Uh, NO." I think I'll be content with a repeat of Part 2 of last year's celebration - a good, all-American cookout with family, and perhaps a game or two. Maybe we'll step it up a bit and try something a little more advanced - like Freeze Tag.

Best of all, there will be no decorations involved!